Go Ahead, Cast That Stone...

This process is of mine can be good, bad & ugly. It can be happy, sad & everything in between. But one thing that it tends NOT to be is DULL. Recently a friend was caught up in a situation where some of his "jokes" crossed the line into mild flirtation. The other person involved was one of his friends who has a boyfirend who is also his friend. Somehow the boyfriend found text messages that made him very angry & uncomfortable. The boyfriend shared his feelings with other members who promptly starting the judging process. My friend shared it with me & I understood what he was feeling & how it could've happened. It ain't that hard to see: She's a nice looking girl & too much playing on both parts and PRESTO ! somebody crossed the line. I just want to sound of on all the JUDGES in this scenarion: one guy who has shared with me about his own indescretions (not just flirting, but sleeping around) another guy who was notorious for sleeping around, and the rest: a bunch of recovering people who are far from perfect in their own behaviors. I guess I understand though, and I have to hug them when I see them & pray for them. I also think I'll take a moment to thank God, because just for today, I'm not the self-righteous, judgemental asshole. I understand that even with my best efforts I am inclined to slip & fall down. I am so completely aware that I try my best to just avoid certain situations (like getting too close to certain females, gambling, etc.) I understand that my disease drives a car with no brakes & once I start acting out on certain behaviours that feel good to me, there ain't no stopping. I am also grateful that although this process of mine is a lot of things, it's hardly ever boring.
Peace.

Split Personality ?

Up's and down's thats what life is. Sometimes they come too damn fast for me. Just when you start to relax and enjoy swinging in the hammock of life somebody throws a brick from the shadows and BANG ! lays you flat on your ass. No warning, nothing. That about sums up how I'm feeling right about now. And it's not about finances, or health, or the dog dying - it's about me being tired of me. I got hit in the head with the BRICK of self-awareness. I recognized an ugly behavior & thinking pattern today that I hadn't been able to see clearly before (when i could see it at all). I don't understand what resentments I have that cause me to be so (I want to say hateful, but that's too strong - can I say schizo? loving and hateful) toward someone who is trying so hard to love me. It's like I can't get past the anger I feel as a result of my expectations not being met. Like I can't find the appropriate level of acceptance to be ok with who and what this person really is (as opposed to who & what I want them to be). It's not that I haven't tried to the best of my ability, it's more like my ability is insufficient (time to call on God, right?) Right ! God I know you're listening & watching; I need you...I need you big time right now. I ain't able on my own. To those who may read this and are of the praying type, maybe you could throw a few kinds words of prayer to your Higher Power on my behalf. That would be really nice. Thanks in advance. Just for today; what really comes to mind right now is: What we can't do alone, we can do together. Peace.