Gratitude...

There's nothing really going on in my life today, and I sometimes have the tendency to not write when there's no drama. For some reason I think drama makes for more interesting reading. But in this new pathway of life that I travel, I understand the importance of recognizing and appreciating the serenity and peace of 'just another day'. I have a tremendous amount of gratitude today for the absence of chaos, good health, a bright outlook on my future and another day clean. I think I had a spiritual experience today driving through town listening to my stereo, there was an 'oldie'(from way back in the 90's) playing and it just 'took me there'. I was singing out loud and smiling and flooded with great emotions and memories of a time gone by. It was awesome. When the song went off, I thanked God for all the beauty in my life today especially the ability to feel again. Just for today; I know that everything I feel won't be joyous, but I am so very grateful for those feelings that are. What an unbelievably good day to be clean.
Peace.

I got sunshine...

There's a song that goes: I GOT SUNSHINE ON A CLOUDY DAY, WHEN ITS COLD OUTSIDE I GOT THE MONTH OF MAY. Well I ain't quite that chipper, but I am very grateful for God and this program today despite the struggles in my life. Lately I haven't been so caught up in the negativity and anger brought on by having to raise my boys (20 months and 6 years) while my wife's at work. Whew ! Lately I haven't been so grumpy about having to clean house behind a bunch of adults and kids who apparently couldn't care less. Amazingly I haven't completely lost my mind behind this car I purchased for several thousand dollars which has turned out to be a complete lemon (needs an engine and a host of other stuff) I haven't even killed my wife behind our recent arrival into the land of absolute brokeness (notice how i kinda blame here for it) I just have not found it necessary to use drugs over this shit or cuss anybody out either. Miracle ? Hell yeah it is. There's something about staying on the path and keeping the faith. In a lot of ways I have been changing (no longer interested in sleeping with bunches of hot chicks, or stealing or lying, etc) but this one is the hum-dinger ! I have been praying about my lack of acceptance and my temper and wella - i found relief. Seemingly effortless relief from acting like a total maniac (while my disease told me that I'd be well justified in doing so "this time"). Well JUST FOR TODAY: disease you can kiss my ass, Thank you God and the 12 Steps and the members who keep loving me and showing me the way. If you think that you can't get better in a certain area of your life - you are sadly mistaken. We do recover. Peace

Growing up ?

I have been involoved with "the program" for 3 & a half years (i relapsed and came back 2 years ago) but since i have been 'semi-sane' i haven't found it necessary to get a job. I'm not a teenager living with his folks or an adult moocher or anything - i have actually started my own business and have been making ends meet. But lately my wife has gotten a nice promotion on her job and my 'competitive nature' is kicking in telling me that although i'm happy for her, i want to get a promotion too, not to mention the extra money that we could have if i were employed full-time along with running my business part-time. So now i have decided that i am going to apply for a job at the local cable company. Even though i have been out of the work force for a few years i believe that the spiritual principles that i have been practicing so far have prepared me for this reintroduction to blue collar america. I'll admit that i have been secret laughing at people as they talk about how much they hate their jobs. I was resigned to never punch another clock again in my life. That's still my goal - i have just come to realize that maybe by working and saving it will help me to reach that point of financial security quicker. I just want to buy a handful of rental properties maybe "flip" some properties like i see people doing on TV. Maybe i am just a foolish dreamer - but Just for Today - i can pursue my goals full throttle and have faith that just about anything is possible as long as I stay clean and on this path (along with a solid plan and commitment).