Got A Job !

After nearly 4 years, I have gotten a job ! I deliberately chose not to work, I wanted to concentrate on my venture into the world of small business ownership. I have an online store which means that I can be at home with my kids. Thats awesome right? Yes it is, but it's also extremely taxing and has driven me to the conclusion that I would rather go punch a clock somewhere to get a break from these kids of mine. They're great kids but (whew !) they're kids. I willingly surrender to the DayCare Program, babysitters, a nanny or anybody or anything that will take them off my hands. I figure this way they our relationship will improve - I'll have an opportunity to miss them and maybe I won't have to start my mornings jumping at their every beck & call. I respect and admire mothers (having apparently been one for the past two years) I am very grateful to God that he made me a Dad and that their mom is healthy and available to them. Hopefully this job thing will work out. It's one that I don't mind doing and even though the pay might not be all that it should be very spiritually fulfilling (i'm going to work at the treatment center where I was once a resident; and a pretty difficult one at that). I guess that goes to show that you really can't judge another person's desire to find recovery. If i keep that in mind maybe I'll have something to offer the guys that God will be placing in my life. Just for today I am grateful period.

I got sunshine...

There's a song that goes: I GOT SUNSHINE ON A CLOUDY DAY, WHEN ITS COLD OUTSIDE I GOT THE MONTH OF MAY. Well I ain't quite that chipper, but I am very grateful for God and this program today despite the struggles in my life. Lately I haven't been so caught up in the negativity and anger brought on by having to raise my boys (20 months and 6 years) while my wife's at work. Whew ! Lately I haven't been so grumpy about having to clean house behind a bunch of adults and kids who apparently couldn't care less. Amazingly I haven't completely lost my mind behind this car I purchased for several thousand dollars which has turned out to be a complete lemon (needs an engine and a host of other stuff) I haven't even killed my wife behind our recent arrival into the land of absolute brokeness (notice how i kinda blame here for it) I just have not found it necessary to use drugs over this shit or cuss anybody out either. Miracle ? Hell yeah it is. There's something about staying on the path and keeping the faith. In a lot of ways I have been changing (no longer interested in sleeping with bunches of hot chicks, or stealing or lying, etc) but this one is the hum-dinger ! I have been praying about my lack of acceptance and my temper and wella - i found relief. Seemingly effortless relief from acting like a total maniac (while my disease told me that I'd be well justified in doing so "this time"). Well JUST FOR TODAY: disease you can kiss my ass, Thank you God and the 12 Steps and the members who keep loving me and showing me the way. If you think that you can't get better in a certain area of your life - you are sadly mistaken. We do recover. Peace