Ever struggle with a behavior that has truly got your number? I mean post alcohol and drugs behaviors like eating, shopping, sex, gambling, etc. ? I'm not talking about 'having a difficult time getting a handle on my acting out'; I am talking about 'dammit i can't fuckin' stop to save my life & it's making me feel like shit'. Well if you have experience in that area then you know how I feel at times. My disease loves situations like that because it's always waiting in the wings - yelling non-supportive things like "you fraud, you share real good about how you've got a handle on drugs and you try to give hope and inspiration to others and yet look at you now" or the ever-popular: "Where's your Higher Power now?" I have a cold disease. Ruthless and without an ounce of pity or mercy. My disease is so opportunistic and patient. Always waiting around for any crack in my armor - looking to drive a stake right into my heart. Bastard ! But thats cool because that's his job. He has his job and I have mine. I still have the advantage because I know that's what he's going to do - I just forget to expect it sometimes. It's almost comical how he's always running up saying the same old tired negative bull-shit and I almost always bite (even if only momentarily). Round and around we go I guess. But... just for today: once again mister disease (I have to resort to one of my old familiar phrases) you can kiss my ass. I know your game plan and I know your tactics - I refuse to listen to you. You're just a distraction - keeping me from focusing on the solutions. Thank God for my 12 step program which in my opinion is a sort of "living life for dummies" program (no offense to any dummies in denial) This program takes all the guess work out of living life. I'm not saying that it supplies all the answers to life - I am saying that it gives a set of healthy suggestions/directions that help me along the way.
Peace
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