Go Ahead, Punch A Wall !

You ever notice how some people can claim to be "happy with their lives & grateful for their blessings" and yet have a laundry list of complaints at the same time? How is this possible ? Well I will tell you how. Take me for instance, I woke up this morning to beautifully cloudy, gray skies, with kids who had woke up a little bit before me. I sometimes think of them as "nature's alarm clock". SO my day begins like most of my days: Wake up and hit the ground running (so to speak) 2 year old and 6 year old awake and hungry - no big deal right? Wrong the next thing my eyes sees is my bedroom in total disarray - YIKES ! I bear with it long enough to grab some clothes and then we head to the kitchen for breakfast. We manuever through an obstacle course of toys and shoes and whatever else lies in our path. Whew - this isn't exactly what I'd call the ideal morning but it's ok I guess. Yeah it's "ok" until we reach our destination - Is this the kitchen or is this a disaster area? Sink over-flowing with dishes, floor has a carpet of debris on it, table sticky and crumb-filled, trash over-flowing - FUCK! Now this ain't cool at all, but I still manage to find some gratitude because we do have Milk and cereal, some days, I have to make a store run. At any rate this scenario is my life - day in & day out. I manage to get the bedroom clean, the crap picked up, the kitchen clean and the kids fed and played with by the time my wife (and her mom) gets home from work around 4-ish. Despite the chaos that comes from having 2 boys (2 & 6) running around all day, I manage. I am very grateful for being able to be here for my kids and having a roof over our heads and food to eat as well as the few luxuries that we have. BUT... I am frustrated, disgusted, angry, depressed and feeling pretty hopeless at times. WHY ? Becuase I grew up in a very dirty house, with a mom who made messes and forced me to clean them daily for years (I have issues, yeah I know) But what also gets my goat is that I have communicated this to the other adults who reside here to no avail (I may get the response of someone picking up at the moment that I am trying to discuss the matter, but things only return to normal - immediately, not even 2 days later.) SO I'm kinda tired of whining to my sponsor about this and I refuse to share anyting like this on a group level, so here I am: sharing anonymously with YOU. I receive disability and so I am home all day and I believe that 'somebody' feels like these things are my job since they're going out and working 40 hours per week. (I like and need a clean environment to function and live in; therefore I clean, but I do get pissed when it appears that other's aren't even bothering to pick up behind themselves or directing the kids to pick up). I won't even mention total disorganzation that we call meal planning or managing our finances. I will mention that I do love my wife and family, but this has been stressing me out for years already and I am just about ready to SCREAM!
Just for today, I thank God that I am not using drugs and that my life isn't as bad as it could be, that my loved ones are all healthy and beautiful people - That recovery is possible and that Hope is found here.