Growing Pains...

This week has been one of growth. This week has also been one of pain. Somehow I believe that there is a connection.
This week someone OD'd after 5 years clean. A friend. The lesson was that
1. He wasn't really working a program just being abstinent - I know that ther aren't any guarantees in life but Just for today I choose to hedge my bets and work a program - because I know that I'm not immune.
2. Death happens and sooner or later it will happen to someone I know and love. This week someone I know celebrated 18 months clean ! And they finally got off that Soboxone Drug ! They are doing alright too ! I love this guy and I am happy to know that he is doing fine. The lesson here is that some of us are going to stay clean and be alright - Thank God!
3. Somebody that I know and love is getting high again - they won't admit it and I could be wrong, but when four of your closest friends have al independently reached the same conclusion in the same one week period then maybe that's just a little bit too much "coincidence" for me. He is doing things that he 'normally' wouldn't do and basically his ass is using again. This will make his 4th time, each time almost reaching the 6 month mark and then falling off. The pattern is the same - Start off "Gung-Ho", start slacking, stop working his program, meet a girl and then BOOM, here comes the drugs. I want to lock hime in a closet and make him recover. I want to be able to do something more than what I have been doing, I don't want to be powerless. The lesson here is: I am powerless, it is what it is and it will be what it will be, all I can do is work on me and be available to help when asked. Staying clean isn't easy, I am grateful that I am holding on to the gift.
Another fiend of mine just celebrated 18 months clean ! and I was thinking: He doesn't work a program, no steps, meeting attendence sucks, sponsorship contact is at the absolute minimum. My mind told me that this guy was full-of shit. He asked me to present him with his medallion at a big meeting and I couldn't imagine what I was going to say that was good about him. But somehow at some point my spirit awakened to a whole new level: I finally came to realize that he was doing a fine job. He was staying clean dammit and that's what this thing is all about. There are people who attend meetings regularly and relapse, share real good in the meeting and relapse, do service work and relapse. When it's all said and done: staying clean must come first and without that nothing else matters. So i presented him and it was an awesome experience now I feel free to love him for who he is: a recovering addict on a journey just like me.
Just for today - Thank you God for the experience of living life with out the use of drugs - thank you for helping me to remain teachable.