The Power and The Pain...

After all this time in the program it has finally re-occured to me that when it says in Step One that "We admitted that we were powerless" that included me. I mean to say that I know that I am powerless over drugs & alcohol - no doubt about it. But I forget that I am also powerless over people, places and things as well. I run around trying to have the "Serenity to Change the things/people that I want changed" and things just don't quite work out that way. I'm no moron - it's just that forgetting comes easy for me. Thank God for sponsorship, meetings and step-work. So what typically happens when I am trying to exert some control over something that I have no control over is this: Pain! Either pain to myself, due to the frustration of trying to move an immoveable object. Or pain to some other individual to whom I am using manipulation tactics on; this includes everything from being extra sweet to being extra mean and anything in between. Pain because when things don't go the way I want them I am subject to withdraw my friendship, most certainly my kindness, hurl criticisms and maybe even a few insults and other retaliatory methods can be brought out of the old bag of tricks. Geez when I get honest about who I am - sometimes its a wonder that I even have a few friends in my life. All these revelations are a result of beginning Step One again. Thank God for Step One. Although there can be some painful discoveries - there is also the newfound hope that I don't have to stay stuck in my present state. Don't get me wrong - I'm not a 100 percent asshole, todays topic just happens to be about some one my occassional shortcomings. At any rate I have to thank God for allowing me to see the areas of my life that can be improved upon - I am glad that I don't have to go through the rest of my life with these behaviors and not even know that I have them.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will remind myself that the only power that I have is that over my actions and responses people, places and life in general.