for once in my life...

man oh man this shit ain't never easy.
it ain't exactly hard but there are times when i just have to cry.
i am grieving the loss of something precious to me.
i am excited about the direction my life is going in.
i am a little anxious about all the changes that are taking place so rapidly in my little world.
i am extremely grateful about having my kids, my relationship with God and my support network in such abundance.
so i do cry at times - for different reasons.
i am feeling on a whole different level.
i find myself going with the flow moreso lately - less fight and less self-will.
i surrender and accept more.
and this is cool.
i want to do things at times that aren't good for me but i sit still and do nothing which is awesome.
step seven is taking on a new meaning in my life: finally i am becoming more and more aware of that which i have been searching for all my life: someone or something which truly loves me, validates me, completes me, forgives me, understands me, supports me and has my best interests at heart - even when i don't know what's best for me.
a father figure; i never had one of those things.
but i am coming to believe that the God of my understanding is all that and even more.
funny how you can know something - and then you can KNOW something.
Just for today i am grateful for the experiences that have transformed my understandings from that of an intellectual basis into something more spiritual and life changing.
finally i think i am understanding that things really are working out in my favor.