tears...

as the tears roll down my cheeks and hit my keyboard a message suddenly reveals itself as the drops hit the keys in a certain pattern that forms the words that express what my mouth never could:
if you could feel the emotion in these tears you would know devastating pain and hurt, disappointment, rejection, betrayal, and hopelessness and yet as you continue to feel your way along their path you would discover much joy, and happiness, serenity, optimism, trust faith and courage, forgiveness and understanding, you would find great humility and gratitude, you would feel so much gratitude that it is confusing. so much gratitude and feelings of unworthiness to be receiving all that i have been getting. so many feelings of being unsure if i am able to live up to the responsibility of having been given so much and wanting to give my very all in return.
i have cried many tears and still i weep, but today it is not of pain that the drops roll down my cheeks - it is from the absolute appreciation that i have toward my Higher Power who has brought me to it and then through it and has in effect begun the process of re-creating me. i see with eyes that were once blinded, and my hearing has been adjusted with the spirit of open-mindedness, my heart has been touched and operated on with a spiritual surgery that is allowing me to experience life in a way which is more rich than ever before,
Just for today i have all that i need, at best i am only human and i suffer from a disease from which there is no known cure, but i am dedicated to doing my best to stay on this path and i am ready to shed many more tears if thats what i need to do.
feel free to cry with me sometime.
peace.