i know that there are times when my trust in my Higher Power wavers; mostly when i am hurting, fearful and when what i want isn't in alignment with His will.
there are times when i am all twisted up on the inside, not sure that He is really going to work this all out for me.
what i mean is that i am kinda lonely at times (it helps so much when my kids are with me) yeah i have my friends and that helps too, but i still have difficulties not having a "special somebody" in my life.
i am adjusting pretty well, but there are still those times...
insanity whispers in my ear urging me to call or go find somebody, anybody to ease the pain/fear. but i am standing strong.
i haven't had sex in a while and surprisingly that isn't the hard part at all.
i miss being in love.
i know that this too shall pass.
i know that as i continue to reach for God and allow His love to fill me up that i will get better and better,
but my disease or my thinking wants results today, if not yesterday.
but oh well
even though this is uncomfortable - it isn't agony.
so i guess i will survive it.
i know that if i act out then i run the risk of creating agony in my own life and possibly others.
so i stand here
afraid that maybe God in His divine wisdom won't see fit to give me what i want.
afraid of not knowing what lies ahead and how i will navigate the upcoming twists and turns in my life's roads.
but JUST FOR TODAY:
God is good, my life is good, it's ok to voice my feelings, fears and concerns. So far as i continue on this path, everything is working out beautifully - maybe not the way i want it but in a fantastic way none-the-less.
peace.
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