We have been together for more than 3 years now - about a year longer than we've been in recovery. We have been through quite a bit, but we have managed to avoid lying, cheating, disrespecting and stealing (to, on & from each other). So hands down this is the most 'normal' relationship of my life. Trouble is; as with most relationships there is a very distinct 'business' side and 'romantic or personal' side to it. As the business side is concerned we have been growing and pretty much doing well - raising kids, paying bills, eating, etc. Now the personal side has taken some serious blows (i'd say it's been on life-support for a while now despite numerous discussions) It seems we just don't have the time (or maybe the interest) to be romantic anymore. It sounds worse than it is - but it is what it is. Lately I have been feeling like I don't have what it takes to grab her attention as far as conversations go. I am up against competition like "American Idol" phone calls from friends/sponsors/sponsees, etc., demanding kids ( 18months & 6 years old) needs, household work (laundry, cooking, cleaning), personal time (shopping, tanning, manicures, reading books & e-mail), meetings, etc., etc., etc., - There isn't anytime left for me. My schedule is equally hectic (not really but let's just say so for the purpose of not trying to sound like i'm bashing anybody). I just feel like i am playing second fiddle to life - like i have to just wait and i'll get my turn later........... I know that the only constant in life is change & boy am i getting experience in this area - but at what point does a body draw a boundary and say - enough is enough. I am trying to live this "just for today" program and yet my life (as it relates to this relationship) seems to be lived on a "wait till tomorrow" basis. I won't even mention that all this makes me feel a whole lot less than special - if you know what i mean. I won't even mention what my "disease" like to whisper in my ears (thoughts of escape, fuck-it-all, and i know how to fix this shit). Nah, I won't mention all that shit - cuz what's the point? Just for to day I will talk about my feelings, seek the help of a power greater than me to help me get restored to sanity and seek to live the solutions. I am always able to find comfort in the fact that "HOPE IS FOUND HERE" even hope that this too shall pass.
Peace
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Wow. I am the "free spirit" and my hubby is the stay-at-home partner. If it's any comfort, he has said similar things to me. And they ARE valid points!
My only defense (??) is:
he is very much a loner/isolater/centers-his-entire-emotional -health-on-OUR-relationship person, and that's too much for me to handle. Is this "codependance", just a little more than I am comfortable with? i don't know. We knew we were different from the get-go, yet, when I fly out of the nest, occasionally he seems scared that I want to STAY out there. I'm not even remotely interested in any of that, although the various ppl who crowd into my life (on HIS time, he feels)are an important part of who *I* am. And certainly, I have to stop sometimes and see if maybe I've gotten too comfortable flying around, and if I want the nest to still BE there, I'd better set my feathered butt down and make sure I'm not neglecting that connection. Kinda like the way I try to find the "balance" in my entire life, every day. Does he want too much? Do I give him too little?? Sometimes an outside un-involved observer comes in handy.
DANG it! It's too early for me to be 4th stepping myself!!! ;o)
Good post.
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