I stand at that awkward point in time right where the 1,000 pound weight has been lifted off my chest. The one that kept me from being able to breathe. Well it's been removed and now i'm here in the split-second between the lifting of the burden and the actual returning to breathing process. Although this "is/will be" of relatively short duration, it "seems" like it is just being stretched out into an unbearable length of time. Partially because when bad things happen they seem to never end - even though I know that the situation will pass. Another contributing factor is patience - not one of my natural strong points. And finally I am aware that the basis of this dillema is the Fear which lies at the core of my disease. Afraid that if I breathe and relax my guard - I might get another weight dropped on me, maybe an even bigger one. In case you can't put the pieces together this is all symbolic dialogue relating to the ebb & flow of being an addict in a relationship.
Whew - I hope that wasn't to cryptic. Just for today - I am truly grateful for beginning to know my enemy, for this helps me in the battle for my serenity, sanity & my life.
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