Fear or Faith...?

Sometimes I wonder whats holding my relationship together: fear or faith? Fear that I will regret walking away from it. that I will be miserable without her. Or faith that despite whatever differences we may have - things will get better and this will be the love of all time. We have changed and evolved and discovered more about each other - some good, some not so good. We make a good team from the standpoint of supporting each other in living comfortably, in our recovery, in running our business and taking care of our family. But our romantic side has taken some heavy blows. Our quality time piece is catch as catch can & half the time it seems like catch aint catching what he can cuz he really isn't interested (or too busy) to make much of an effort. We have talked about this and even though i understand that change comes sometimes slowly... I start wondering if its coming at all & the next thought is always well why am I still here. If it ain't the way I 'd like for it to be and if there is no indication of anything changing then what is my real motivation for being here? Do I hate myself that much? My disease loves this situation because it has many opportunities to stir up chaos & confusion & negativity. I know that we are growing - the question is - are we growing in the same direction? What can I do? What can I change? Where will I find the answers? No matter what - today was still a very good day - still clean and still appreciating the precious gift of recovery which reminds me that even tho things may look dark, there is always hope.