She's Leaving Me...

I think that if I keep it up - she's going to walk out on me. I complain quite a bit. (I justify it as enforcing my boundaries) I criticize often. (I justify that as my way of helping her to improve herself) I withdraw my conversation and attention. (I rationalize this behavior as being better if I just shut up rather than keep on bitching about things) Now I have been finding fault in the way she dresses. ( Too much cleavage, etc.) I almost look at it like I don't blame her for dressing sexier - maybe she desires compliments and attention and since she isn't getting much from me... what do I really expect. I don't know what is real from what is imaginary very much these days & I sometimes am almost suspicious that maybe she is pondering the company of another. But nah ! I don't really believe that - but I do believe that if I stay on this course then it can become a very real possibility. I am torn: On the one hand there's what I believe is right & what I want and on the other hand there's having acceptance and being ok with what is. This is my struggle. Just for today I can look for the solution to my problems and I can reach out for help. I am finishing my sixth step and I am grateful that the solution lies within this process.