I started this new job recently at the local detox center. My first formal job in about 4 years. Needless to say that there was adjusting to be done, but it wasn't nearly as bad as my "fears" told me it would be. I mean I actually wrestled with thoughts like: I won't be good enough, it'll be too hard, I'm too old to learn new tricks, they won't like me, I don't have anything to wear, etc. My mind has the ability to rationalize all sorts of non-sense in an apparent effort to sabotage my efforts towards growth - this is just an example of the type of anti-recovery monster that I have to deal with on a regular basis.
At any rate - I showed up and things went well. They like me & I love the job. I especially enjoy the 'helping others' part. Since people are only there for a short period of time, I try to share concentrated hope with them, taking care not to overwhelm or make this recovery process seem too complicated. It's not easy, it's a lot more involved than just saying "Keep coming back". But it feels great when I see a glimmer of hope in someones eyes after sharing with them. I feel that I am in a position to carry the message - that I have some type of power to plant the seeds that CAN affect a change in somebody's life. That feels awesome & I thank God for the opportunity to be a vessel for carrying the message. But... for real, some peole aren't done yet, some people are full of shit and some people leave and go get high again. I am once again reminded of my own powerlessness & that each individual has to make their own choice. I want to build a wall between me & "them" so that I don't get hurt. But that's the way it is not just at work but at any meeting and in life in general.
Just for today I choose to believe that although I don't have to power to carry an addict, I have been charged to carry the message. It brings me joy knowing that I am doing what my Higher Power would want me to do - now what happens after that, who chooses to hear the message and act on it, all that is out of my hands. God knows what he is doing. I am extremely grateful that I am clean today and that I know I am a miracle.
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1 comment:
cool. good luck with the new job!
yeah its different than meeting because people are paying to be there instead of just showing up of their own accord, so there probably are quite a few that are just going through the motions. oh well, im sure you'll figure it out as you go along..
remmeber to take it easy at the start. it takes 3 months or so to settle in, and the fewer demands you have outside of that, the better really.
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