Split Personality ?

Up's and down's thats what life is. Sometimes they come too damn fast for me. Just when you start to relax and enjoy swinging in the hammock of life somebody throws a brick from the shadows and BANG ! lays you flat on your ass. No warning, nothing. That about sums up how I'm feeling right about now. And it's not about finances, or health, or the dog dying - it's about me being tired of me. I got hit in the head with the BRICK of self-awareness. I recognized an ugly behavior & thinking pattern today that I hadn't been able to see clearly before (when i could see it at all). I don't understand what resentments I have that cause me to be so (I want to say hateful, but that's too strong - can I say schizo? loving and hateful) toward someone who is trying so hard to love me. It's like I can't get past the anger I feel as a result of my expectations not being met. Like I can't find the appropriate level of acceptance to be ok with who and what this person really is (as opposed to who & what I want them to be). It's not that I haven't tried to the best of my ability, it's more like my ability is insufficient (time to call on God, right?) Right ! God I know you're listening & watching; I need you...I need you big time right now. I ain't able on my own. To those who may read this and are of the praying type, maybe you could throw a few kinds words of prayer to your Higher Power on my behalf. That would be really nice. Thanks in advance. Just for today; what really comes to mind right now is: What we can't do alone, we can do together. Peace.