Hold me now...

Today I awakened to discover that God has given me another chance at life. Today I want to live it. I am clean & relatively healthy. I have friends, family and many blessings for which I am truly grateful. I worked third shift last night and slept too long to attend church service this morning, but that's ok. I can still pray and meditate today. God is good and He is available.
Well about 20 minutes into my day i get a phone call from an in-law. It was an innocent enough call (inquiring about her PC that I am currently reparing) in the course of the conversation my "EX's" name was mentioned along with some of her plans for the day. Now mind you I asked about my "brother in law" and the rest of the information was just innocently given. Well that caused my stomach to just drop to the floor. I feel suddenly sad. My mind considers that I won't be seeing her or the rest of the family. Christmas is quite a bit lonelier this year.
Now as this depression begins its grip on me - I struggle to write this entry. I resolve that today me & God will get through. I will not call. I won't even answer the phone if "she" calls. I am done with it. The contact. The conversations. All of it. For a time. I have to allow myself to find freedom and I do not believe that i can achieve this as long as I continue to re-open the wound on a daily basis. I believe that there is NO alternative to the pains of withdrawal. It is something that must be felt & dealt with. As much as I "want to" continue acting out (be it through phone calls, visits, etc.) I "need to" let go & let GOD !
This is the only way out. It will possibly, no probably be uncomfortable at at times; but i resolve to curl up in the fetal position as needed. Holding on to my God and myself until the crisis passes. I am going to turn on my inspirational music now & recite some positive affirmations, pray & meditate. I will also attend a meeting, call someone who I might be able to give some support to, call my sponsor, and just feel what i need to feel and do what i need to do to get through this.
Just for today... I know that all feelings eventually pass and DAMMIT I'm going to do all that I can to not interfere with the process. Just for today I will Hold On To Hope. Just for today I ask God to hold on to me.
Peace and happy holidays to all.