Yeah i better. I dont want to sound crazy or nothing but I am feeling lost. I just got the boot from my girl and i can't even see. I cant remember what a smile looks like. I hurt so bad that I can't think or feel. My breathing is irregular and i feel so tired. I think its taking a super-human effort to just stand on my feet and keep from screaming. Life as I know it now sucks ass. I hate when things are so shitty & screwed up that somebody else has the power to give and to take away my happiness. I mean completely disable my ability to feel joy. I want this to end now - I ain't gonna use, I ain't gonna use. I swear to God I ain't gonna use, but I do want to die.
Life now just really ain't shit anymore. I know all about finding gratitude & i do have gratitude for being able to explode on this blog. But i still am blinded by this awful pain and I just want it to please end - asap.
This is the moment when the rubber meets the road. When everything that i have learned & been practicing comes into play. I know things will get better - its just the holding on that is killing me.
I hope that this serves as a beacon of hope to anybody who may have, is or might in the future go through something like this - the message is hope, you aint never gotta use, not even when youre going through HELL.
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