God i keep asking for your help & I can't always understand what you're waiting for or what you're doing if anything - then sometimes things happen and i understand. This is one of those times when i don't understand or don't want to accept what you're showing me or allowing to happen to me.
I just want my relationship back - do you hear me ? I want it back and better than it was before. I know that i'm probably in big time conflict with my third step but i really don't care right now. I can't stand this shit anymore. when can enough be enough? why can't this shit be happening to somebody else.
i guess i sure am hating life right about now.
I can't stop hurting, I can't stop being a pain in HER ass. I wish i could just stop talking to HER, pestering, trying only to end up feeling like a wounded animal; embarrassed and angry.
I think i have lost control - and i feel like i may be losing my mind as well.
I was not the perfect guy. I did my share of dumb things - but i can't get no forgiveness and this really sucks.
Maybe its just time for me to grow up and get on with my life.
I wish i could just push a button and have my feelings pass then i think surely i'd go. If SHE wants me gone then so be it.
Unfortunately in the world of recovery there aint no magical easy way out - just gotta feel and deal.
i wish somebody would please show me how to cope with this situation, because i haven't a clue and i have tried everything i know to try. i can not accept this pain, i dont want to accept that our relationship is over.
just for today - i realized that i don't always want to be in God's will - sometimes i just want what i want - and when i act this way i usually get something more than i bargained for. ouch.
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You shouldn't feel embarrassed about your feelings. We all have them and it's ok. I know you are trying, but sometimes it's just a time to be still. I read in a meditation the other day about it being ok to not have clarity. It will come when God wants.
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