Seems like I'm taking very small forward steps these days, which is great news. The not so great news is that I often follow it up with a few rather sizeable steps in the opposite direction. I willl forego details today to get to the point: Merry Christmas to all you celebrate and It's a great day to be clean to everybody else. I am getting to a place where it's ok that my relationship is over. We talked, some very painful shit was shared and in the end i was like ok cool. I am tired of all this shit - maybe its finally sinking in that God is going to have His way regardless of what I do. I also understand that nothing I say or do can change matters. So I went over toher place and watched the kids open gifts, then we took a ride together (with the kids) then we went to my place and had sex. It was good too. Not just the sex but the whole thing. We resolved to have sex whenever and for as long as it's convenient and appropriate (to us). I told her that I won't be seeking it out, she will have to initiate the act more than she has been. She agreed. I made a decision to move on.
Just for today even hard headed mules like me can eventually see the writing on the wall. Today i am able to make decisions (although sometimes those decisions are already made by life) and I can become ok with them.
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