Another Day, Another...

MIRACLE !
plain and simple.
i feel awesome. i have had a great day.
i took care of me today.
i picked my son up from the baby-sitter, did laundry, a little housework, etc...

i'm not saying that i wasnt tested today, i'm not saying that i didn't get butterlies a few times either - because i did.

but something different is happening to me.

last night i went to bed alone in my own bed - by choice and was ok with it.
i had a few offers but i chose to chill by myself, i wasn't on any type of sadness or self pity mode either. just finally becoming ok with myself (and God!)

on that note i will say that God is good, because in a moment of desperation (for a feeling) i actually asked a coupla of "hoochie-mamas" to kick it with me a few weeks ago and God intervened. Whew ! because looking back i would've regretted it. and i know they both like me so that could only have been God protecting me - i believe.

today i ran across her driving through town and i also talked to her on the phone about my son and there was no acting out. i did not want to act out and i did not act out. i did get a little butterfly syndrome - funny thing is throughout this process many addicts have stood in readiness to answer their phones but this time nobody was available - God telling me that He is really all I need in a crunch?
maybe, maybe not - but Just for today He was sufficient !

today i prayed and i found relief.

i can't express in words how good it feels to be me again - the storm may not be fully over but i know that i have what it takes to endure.

something good has happened to me, i now know this in my heart.

i spoke to a sponsee today who had surgery on his shoulder, his shoulder had a tendency to 'pop-out' of socket whenever he engaged in strenuous sports activities. otherwise for all intents and purposes it was normal. after talking to him i realized how his path and mine have a lot in common. we were both functionally dysfunctional. and had to under pain and then an uncomfortable period of adjustment so that in the end we could both emerge stroner and healthier than we were before.

in the storm i could not see that. but as the clouds are beginning to part a little bit and the sunlight is just about to shine through - i am beginning to understand.

this is not the end of my life - it is in fact only the beginning.

a lot of things have become very clear to me, my perspective has changed and i am more than ready to work hard to ensure that i continue to grow and keep receiving God's blessings for me.

Just for today - life aint always what you think it is, and nothing is promised. but if you hold on, reach for God and do the foot work, the sky's the limit !

Thank you God.
and thank you.
peace.