Talking with God...

life's waves have been rocking my boat as this storms been raging. but like all storms eventually pass this one is losing intensity. (thank you God) it is still a big boy but its not paralyzing and as crippling. i have been working on acceptance (of this being in God's hands); powerlessness (thats been more of a lesson in reality); trust and faith (i really have no choice in that matter either since i am truly powerless); surrender(i'm just too tired to keep on fighting) as well as other principles such as honesty, etc.

but today i have been specifically focusing on perspective: i really didnt want to stay committed (for whatever reasons) and just because things didnt end the way i wanted them to - that shouldnt throw my world into a tizzy (but it did, oh well)

so today i look at things like "thank God, i'm not using drugs" or dead or dealing a lot more perious struggles such as with my health or loss of life within my circle of friends and family. Because some people are going through those things today.
in the grand scheme of things this isnt really all that - its big to me, but maybe thats because i choose to allow it to be big.

now i am fighting back: i am choosing to think about positive things and find my gratitude (working on my perspective).

today i am practicing a great deal more humility than i ever have before.

i told God that i really want her back and i asked Him if He could help me...

since i have been praying and meditating so much more intensely i believe that my conscious contact is strong (when i am willing to exercise my free will and listen) well today i listened and He told me that "everybody has free will and i can't make anybody love anybody else"
so i said "but you can raise people's awareness right? why dont you do that for me then?"
He said "I can do that, but a person still has to be willing to recognize the signs and they still always have free will"
then He said "if you want her back then your best bet is to trust Me, take care of you, wotk on improving you, show respect for her decision, no crying, no calling, just keep on walking acting as if you believe that I got this unde control. this isnt a guarantee, but what will happen is that you will be ok. you will either be ok with getting back with her or you will be ok with doing something different, but you will be ok"
i said "can you help me to get closer to you? feel your prescence and a real thing so that i can find comfort in knowing that you have everything under control?"
"He said pay attention to the evidence of my works. Trust me this will turn out ok, I have already given you what you need. You will be better as a reesult of this and with or without her you will be happy"
i said "i believe you, i just wish i could have more proof. i want to know that i know that you are real and really right here and you really have this all under control." "i guess i just need more proof"
then my telephone rang and it was my daughter calling: "proof enough ?"

maybe, i am grateful, but i really still need more go.

Just for today i have no choice but to put my trust in God.