REAL TALK

last night it was suggested to me that I get real with GOD. tell HIM the truth: that I don't trust HIM and that I fear that HE will not handle things the way that I want them handled. ask HIM to give ME the power to use my tools and survive this situation in my life.

so i did.

and today "she" called and we had a civil conversation which ended in her agreeing to go to a couples counsellor with me today (with an open mind)

ok GOD, i see you working.
right?

weeeeeeeeeeell...

a few hours later she called sounding troubled and i asked what was wrong and a conversation ensued which consisted of her telling me she is basically open-minded as long as it forwards her agenda ?!?!?!?!?

this is the following letter that i have written to her and that i will take to the counsellors...


YOU ARE RIGHT...

i dont think you're wrong

your feelings are real just like mine.

i was listening to you say

1. you are bitter
(over time we can be forgiving - we have done it before and we can do it again)

2. you don't want to repeat the same mistakes & be unhappy
(me neither - that's insane. we have never been here before this is not a repeat. - this is an eye opening first.)

3. you may think that something out there can offer you more or better happiness
(whatever is out there will take work also - we have put in so much work already - learning about each other and loving each other and growing together - maybe we deserve to reap the rewards of all our hard work)

i believe that we both shared a love and a committment - i believe that - i don't know that we have been miserable for years - we had our moments for sure but we had our moments of great joy also -
where we difer is that you don't believe that things can change - what i say is:

we have invested too much and have a great family and a powerful love that has survived the disease of addiction and that it can also survive this ---

for the sake of the four of us and the others who may also be affected - let's be willing to see if God can move in our lives right now at this place where we have never been before - this is not the same old story - i have never hurt you like this before & i have never been hurt like this before - we have never gone outside our relationship before & we have never separated before. this is all new not the same.


let's let the counsellors counsel and lets let God be God and let's keep our hearts and minds open and let's see what we see in this session - our kids deserve the best regardless of what my personal wants may be... because if i hold on then i will be happy knowing that we are all happy (i just happen to believe that i can love you through this place that you are in right now)

prior to talking to her i had called a few people and reminded myself not to get my hopes up too high (yeah right)

but i am not devastated...
nor hurt...
but only hopeful...

Just For Today: God, I know you hear me: am i a fool for believing that true love endures. that my little family can be spared the ill affects of a divorce. that if i am but willing to work hard and hold on through all the hurt and discouragement, that as a reward for all of our years of hard work and committment that the prize can be ours... the prize being true blessed joy ?

God please don't let me be wrong...

PLEASE !