oh my god...

i just woke up out of my sleep nearly screaming. i dont want to go to meetings here cuz i dont want to see her, nor the meetings in the next major town cuz i dont wanna see him. i want to run to her house and ask her to please stop this nightmare.
but i have already done that and she looks at me like she never loved me at all.

not at all.

i am crying now and i want to get in my car but i know that i have to sit here and do nothing in order to heal.

God help me - this is so hard. so hard God.

i am not feeling so well right now, not at all.