Maintaining

Ok a day without crap - yeah i cried like a bitch for a moment but i held on and didn't act out and the moment (almost 10 minutes it seems) passed. i was hanging with a friend out of town and we had fun the whole day and i had no more episodes.

a couple butterfly in the stomach sessions but that was it. i prayed my way through.

i have been on this path kicking and scratching for a month and now i realize that its going to be whats its going to be - i have a choice to act dignified or act a fool.

fuck that it aint worht it anymore. not after all this.

so just for today i'm keeping y damn head up and with God on my side i know i can get through this.

when i feel embarrassed i am comforted by the knowledge that my sponsor , ex-sponsor and ex-grand sponsor all behaved in a similar fashion. i am not unique nor am i a freak. just a guy hurting who will get through. for anyone that doesn't know - if youhavent had a turn - its coming, hold on.