this morning i opened my big-mouth and created a mess of things. i felt that i might do it and i resolved not to, but in the heat of the situation i went ahead and did it anyway.
the situation occured when my "ex" came by to drop off my son this morning.
i saw her and started the whole 'reconciliation' conversation again. and she ofcourse was consistent as usual, which i guess bruised my ego and i reacted which has also become pretty 'usual'.
at any rate i became critical and judgemental of her choices and although i didn't call her any bad names, i definitely upset her.
i accept full responsibility for my actions, BUT i will say that i have asked for mediation for which i have not received co-operation - her mom is willing to bring my son and relay any necessary communication - but my "ex" just isn't respecting my boundary. i do very well until i see her and i am hopeful that we can minimize our contact for a while so that i can continue in my process.
i do know that just for today i am extremely grateful for a restoration to sanity: one that is affording me a real opportunity to experience life and feelings and the subsequent growth that i couldnt have if i had taken the easy way out. i am grateful for the sanity that keeps me free from the denial and rationalization of the harm that i caused to others around me. i did mine and i own it.
grateful that just for today my step-work isn't a superficial experience of words on paper and i am absolutely grateful for my freedom and serenity.
yeah just for today life may not be always working out the way i want it too, but i actually believe that it is working out just fine. maybe God really does know what he is doing.
p.s. believe me when i say that i do pray for us all, and wish happiness and safety upon my "ex" in all her affairs.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment