Honesty...

i went to a meeting tonight and shared about what's been going on with me. it wasn't the first time a lot of people had seen me cry, nor was it the first time a lot of people heard how i have been suffering. but it was the first time that a lot of people heard the whole truth. that i had fucked up.
that i had something good and messed it up and now i am hurting and struggling to accept that its gone away.
i shared that although i had not cheated or become physically abusive i was guilty of not loving, cherishing or appreciating what i had.
i also shared about how i thought i was invincible and that nothing could hurt me. how i thought i could fix anything with a simple "baby i'm sorry".
i shared how i thought i had the power and the control over my life and circumstances at times.
i shared that i was dead wrong and that now as a result of my actions i have consequences to deal with, very painful consequences.
i shared that if i ever have another chance at being in a relationship that i will be bringing a better me into the equation.
i shared that i hope that by sharing my pain that maybe somebody might avoid going through this.
i shared that i am grateful for the growth and humility and stronger relationship with God and my friends and support people.
Just for today i hope i helped somebody... cuz God is helping me.