New Outbreak...?

I feel like i am experiencing a new manifestation of my disease: i need to have somebody in my life to make me feel better. it has become an obsession; an over-powering thought that doesn't cease. i have acted out in attempts to find somebody (i have talked to a few people) and all of a sudden this is turning into a compulsion.
i know that nobody can fix me.
i know that i can't allow myself to give in to the disease.
i don't want another battle on my hands.
i don't want any more pain.
i know that the solution is to practice abstinence period.
the desire to use will pass and i can continue in my efforts to find a new way to live.
God is good and the evidence is clear. He has already delivered me from a major storm and is continuing to work in my life.
i was thinking that maybe i am having bad luck because i haven't been able to find anyone for me - but i now believe that God has a purpose for my life and that He is not allowing me to interfere with the process.
there have been opportunities for me to be with someone and i have actually said no, and then on other occassions when i have been weak the other party said no (and i know that other person liked me) it is a strange and wierd coincidence. maybe.
but then maybe it is just God loving me enough to allow me to get the point of all this and to grow into the person He wants me to be, by keeping the focus on me.
I am learning so much that its incredible and i am often over-whelmed but i know that as i continue to practice this new way of life i will getter better and more comfortable with it.
i wrestle with fear sometimes, but i pray constantly and i keep moving forward.
the hardest part i think is that i am not used to me (i mean the me that i am now - i am not who i used to be, i don't understand what has happened but it is strange. it's like my ability to talk so good has diminished and sometimes my thinking isnt as crisp, but my connection with God is stronger.) i like to think that maybe i have become as a child all over again relearning things anew - i don't really know - i just keep walking and trusting.
i really have no other choice.
God keep us all.
peace.