Closure with a capital "K"

Oh shit guess who's done it again...

me thats who.
i listened to my disease brain tell me to turn and drive down past her house.
her car wasn't in the driveway.
wait, its after midnight and she gets up at six.
so i'm thinking that she is getting high - there have been a series of coincidences that led me to this conclusion but i suspected that after today she would expose herself - since she had been broke but now i gave her some money.
so she aint home and on the way back from the store she still wasnt home - so hell yeah she's using.

thats the fantasy - the reality is that my disease had going full blast.
it told me to stake out her house, but first drive by a couple of her friends houses then stalk... i mean stake out her house.
why? because i had to see for myself...

so i waited about a half hour then right when my friend talked me into leaving here she comes driving real slow and kinda crooked...
so i jumped out of the car and got right in her face...
and...
she didnt look at all high ?!?!?!?!
and she was pissed off.
i tried to actually convince her that she was high and i could tell "look at your pupils" "check out your behavior"
but she wasnt biting
she didn't even look slightly buzzed
fuck
i almost kinda in a sick way wish that she was (not really me but my disease does)
because then it would explain everything.
but oh well things could always get worse right?
yeah they can
i had to ask the question
you know the question,
so you been out all this time chasing some dick ?
and she said yes.
i just turned and walked away.
Just for today - maybe i shouldnt have chosen the name that i did. i might've cursed myself, but gthe good news is, that i aint mad, upset or hurt - not at all - just really relieved.

because she is my reservation...
peace.