Reservations...?

i practice living in reality each day, telling myself the truth about my life.
i am grateful for all that i have and the path that i am on. i pray for God's will to be done in my life and for me to be ok with it.
but...
i still ask God to remember what the desires of my heart are:

deep down inside (i try not to say it aloud because i feel that its a reservation of sorts) i have a dream of not having my family back but of having a brand new chance for a brand new start with my family.

i almost hate it that i still have this wish.
i feel that it is a slap in God's face for me to say this stuff. i feel that it shows a lack of trust and faith on my part.
but i also feel that it is the truth, i can't see how it is wrong for me to have that wish.
i am not living holding on and i know that it is very very unlikely that my wish will ever be more than a wish, i also know that time heals everything and that the wish has diminished from an obsession, to a burning desire to a simple wish...
i know that one day i will have a different wish and half the time i already do have a different wish - i wish to keep growing and stay on the path (that is not going to change).
i dunno, i just thought i'd say it aloud and maybe it will take away the power.