Starting over...

Geez this shit is horrible ! I hate when i find a few days of relief and then BAM !
i get hurt and i lose my mind. i forget everything and go right back to square one.
i made a promise to my sponsor and myself to not have ANY CONTACT for a week - kids or no kids. a week isn't much but maybe it'll help me - she won't understand, and i don't care - she isnt feeling any of this - she's snuggling up in the arms of someone else - i haven't been afforded that luxury.
i fuckin' can't wait until that viper reveals himself and she feels some real fucking feelings - i'll be here feeling vindicated. it ain't like i wish harm to her, but i just can't fucking wait. i believe that if she would've dealt with her real feelings - then maybe she would've recognized that what we had was worth working on to keep - maybe i'm wrong but that's how i feel. that's what i believe.
ours was a good love with apotential for greatness with work.
but anyway...
if she should happen to read this i hope she knows that when the fucking bottom falls out that i will still be here for her - cuz i haven't quite figured out how to stop loving her and i really don't even want to.
it is coming and the bad thing is my life is on hold while i wait for it...
i continue to do the basics but as far as relationships - i aint going nowhere no time soon.
Just For Today - this love here (sick or not) ain't shaking, but i know that God has the power... so i really dont know what tomorow will bring.

p.s. don't be angry with me for being honest about how i feel - i guess some are just sicker than others...sorry.