God Keep Me...

something happened.
i don't know why this is affecting me, but i pray that i can keep my sanity through this.
there's a girl in dayton; a nice girl, who has been supportive of me in my process.
she called me last night (i think she kinda likes me) but anyway she called me last night and during our conversation she told me that 'Mister Man' had tried to holler at her again last night at a meeting. i am tempted to have her make a 3-way call with my ex on the line so she can hear for herself.
Now i know that it ain't my business, i keep telling myslef that, but i can't help thinking how shitty that is.
i was tempted to tell her to set his dirty ass up so he could get busted by my ex.
my motives?
thinking that maybe if she knew then...
God please let me stay free - i don't want to hurt anymore.
i don't want her to hurt either. i am truly not interested in anybody else. in a fit of lunacy i said some dumb stuff to a couple females but it was not serious and nothing ever happened.
i have actually heard from a few women that he tried to talk to them recently and yet he says that he is sincere about his feelings for my ex.
i asked him to be merciful - that if all he is going to do is hit her and quit her - then to please just do it and let her go - don't hurt her. he promised that he wasnt going to hurt her.
i know its in God's hands.
i am going to pray, for them and for me, because i fear that my sanity lies in the balance yet again.
even if they break up - there is no assurance that she will want to reconcile with me.
and even though i tell myself that our relationship was a kind of "sham" - i cant help but be honest with myself:
it was not a sham to me.
it was a beautiful thing to me.
and through it all - i guess i am just the type of dumb-ass that would gladly go back to it.
Just for today... please God watch over your children - we need you! please grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change.