GOD's perfect plan...

"God is working things out perfectly"
i have often been resistant to living in God's will due to my own short-sightedness (all i can see is whats happening right now), due to my own self-centeredness (i want what i want when i want it), and due to my disease that drives me to pursue something to make me feel whole, and most profoundly due to my denial which not only tells me that none of this is the truth, but also that i don't even have a problem in the first place.
Suddenly i have slowed down enough to see the evidence of God working in my life,
removing the obsession to use not only drugs but other things that make me feel better... restoring my sanity when i thought all hope was gone.

now i listen for the answers to the prayer requests and allow myself time to think.

some of the sugesstions seem "difficult" but my new perspective tells me that - difficulty is relative (after the past 30 days of experience very little is difficult to me) especially if taking the suggestions will ensure my spiritual growth.

i have discovered that if i pray and do the next right thing then the driving impulse will actually subside and i can then be restored to sanity.

this is empowering - i am powerless but the spiritual principles can be a power greater than me.

wow its amazing how you can know some things and then life on life's terms show up and you suddenly find out that everything you know is subject to revision, how it aint what you know but how you're living, and how understandings that worked so well for you in the past are no longer sufficient for the next leg of your journey on the road to recovery.

jsut for today - thank you God for everything in my life, thank you for not making me a complete moron, thank you for placing angels and messengers all around me to help me understand what you want from me, thank you for allowing life to beat me into submission and freedom but not to death. thank for the the light that now shines, today i have a glimpse of what lies ahead and i want it - enough to sit here alone in my room about to go lay down by myself even though i want to be comforted by another human being, i trust enough to wait and work on being ok with me, becoming a whole healthy person and therefore better preparing myself for whatever it is you have for me down the road.

this shit is the bomb, it ain't even me and it aint easy but it is right. when i try to tell myself that taking suggestions ar difficult - i simply remind myself of the events of the past 30 days andi get restored. no suggestion could possibly be as difficult as that and if i want to get better and have any chance at never re-living those experiences then i better do something different. y'all told me that my joy comes in the morning and baby the sun is surely rising.

yes i have the evidence that God really is working things out perfectly.

P.S. Oh Yeah - Thank you God for my son being with me this week - he is dropped off to me at 6:30am and i'm finding my comfort lying in bed sleeping with him.