Doing Fine...

Yep that's right.
I been doing fine.
For days now.
Sometimes I can get a little emtional when i am discussing things with people - i think maybe that's just me being passionate, but i generally just don't talk much about it.
somebody that i love and respect (my ex-spoansor) promised me that if i held on through my process and experienced my feelings and worked my program without medicating them with void filling behaviors (like sex or a quick fix rebound relationship) then i would receive a gift ("one of the greatest gifts of my life" is what he said)
well i believed him even though he wouldn't give me a clue as to what the gift would be.
so...
wanna know if he was telling the truth?
hell yeah he was !
and it wasn't just one gift (in my interpretation)
what were these gifts ?
here's one:
a relationship with me & God! more comfortable in my skin. no more tossing and turning at night.
i had a semi-date offer today with a very cute girl - just coffee, nothing heavy right. yesterday we were supposed to meet up but schedules didn't work out and i was so cool about things - i wasn't willing to skip my meeting for this date. than today came and i said that we'll have to see, cuz i'm in no hurry. i told my sponsor that you know whay i ain't in no hurry? because i know that "she can't fix me".
what i am saying is that getting with somebody isn't my number one priority - continuing to develop my relatiotionship with God and me is way more important.
i have found relief and it has come from my growing reliance on God.
me and God have been getting real close and He is awesome.
He is real in my life.
He really loves me and comforts me and strengthens me.
He really guides me in the right direction.
It's about time our paths joined.
I am grateful for everything that has happened to me.
I am learning to live my steps, i have become more of the man that i believe God wants me to be.
and i am only just beginning this walk with Him.
this is the bomb.
i am glad that i don't have to continue living in the darkness as i had been living.
i am overwhelmed when it comes to trying to describe what has happened and what is happening -
i have developed many strong spiritual relationships with awesome people, strengthened others to entirely new levels and gained the respect of a whole bunch of my predecessors.
i thought i was the shit before, based on a bunch of social acceptability bs, but today i know that i am truly loved by many because i am living the program, carrying the message, and being active in the fellowship.
today i feel great based on new, deeper, real feelings and all i can say is...
just for today who wouldn't thought that by surrendering you'd actually win?
p.s. you never coulda told me that what i was going through (hurt and insanity) was only because God loved me so much...